An Open Letter to my Son: What Kind of Girl Should You Date?

I know. This isn’t your world right now, buddy. You’re into Mariokart and Legos. Captain America and sharks. But while your mind is busy soaking up the wonders of learning letters, numbers and who put their mouth on the water fountain at school, I’m praying for your future…more specifically, I’m praying for you and your future spouse. 

It’s important. The people you choose to surround yourself with now determines the person you’ll become ten years down the road. The books you read, the music you listen to, the television you watch, the places you go…all of it has a powerful influence in shaping your future.

Someday, as strange as it may seem now, you’ll care a lot more about girls than Legos. Trust me.

I love you, son, and I know God has awesome things planned for your life. That includes who you will date and marry.

Your sisters have received this same kind of letter, so indulge your Momma for a few minutes, won’t ya? Take it from someone who has been there.

1. Steer clear of immodest girls.

Girls showing off their bodies in bikinis and short-shorts are plastered all over Instagram and Snapchat, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. A girl who willingly shows off her body is insecure. She feels empty inside, so she’ll do whatever she can to get that need filled—verbal affirmation, likes, follows, and yes, sometimes she’ll even give herself away in order to feel valued.

You cannot be her Savior, nor should you want to be. Immodest girls are looking for things only God can satisfy.

And please don’t feed the beast. They don’t care about your purity or they wouldn’t be posting those pictures. Close your eyes to their immodesty. Flee their presence. Guard your heart. Protect your mind.

Some people fill the emptiness inside with alcohol. Some with food or possessions. Others use relationships with their girlfriends, children, drugs, money, accomplishments, entertainment, or a variety other things. But don’t you ever, ever use a girl to try to fill the emptiness you may feel inside. It goes both ways.

There are so many beautiful, modest girls out there. Don’t settle for anything less.

2. Avoid girls who gossip. 

If a girl gossips to you, they will also gossip about you. Gossips breed on drama and negativity. Negativity is contagious and has a way of sucking joy and freedom from your life. Happiness and peace must be pursued. You can’t have a happy life if you’re hanging out with gossips. 

3. Study her character.

Watch the way she treats people, both when she’s with you and when she thinks you’re not looking. Is she kind? Cruel? Do other people like being around her? Does drama follow wherever she goes? Is she honest? Loyal? Character is what a person does when they think no one is looking. Remember, when a relationship is first starting, people tend to put their best foot forward. It’s when some time and stress have eroded the nice away that a person’s true colors emerge. If a girl is disrespectful to her parents, she will disrespect you too. If she cuts down her peers, she’ll be rude to you. If she’s kind, even to those who are crabby, you probably have a keeper. Watch. Learn. Be wise.

4. Choose a girl who pursues God.

A heart that loves Jesus loves people well too. Choose a girl who embraces Bible study over Snapchat. A girl who insists on going to church instead of watching TV. A girl who asks you to pray together, learn together and grow together. And then be the man of God she needs.

A girl who pursues God will fill your life with peace, joy, and success. And as you grow closer to Him, you’ll automatically grow closer to each other. It’s pretty neat to see it in action.

Choose wisely, buddy. And don’t forget love is contagious. Model it for others in your life.

Oh, and no matter what your Dad says, those corny, Christian pick-up lines do not work.