In part one, I told you all about how those pesky Disney princess messed me up, as well as diving into how perfectly unhappy I became trying to be, well, perfect. Am I the only recovering perfectionist out there? I left you dangling with this question: now that we recognize the problem, and see what causes it, what will we do about it? 1. First of all, remind yourself that God loves you no matter how well, or how poorly, you perform. “In all these Read More
people pleasing
Shattering the Fairytale: When Perfect Isn’t Enough
The Disney princesses messed me up. I confess I had quite a fascination with them when I was growing up (after I finished my Princess Leia phase, that is). I was going to be as beautiful as Aurora and I was going to have a grand adventure like Belle. And I was going to be a singer like Ariel. Or at the very least, a marine biologist. But let’s get real for a moment, shall we? There was one big problem with all those Disney Read More
Am I Good Enough?
I love everything about the creative process. From spinning a story world into existence, breathing characters to life or muddling through their spiritual and emotional transformations, I find the entire journey exhilarating. I even love the grueling grind of editing. (Most days, at least.) Even with the exhilarating side to creating, writing is a tough gig, especially when you consider you’re putting your deepest thoughts and musings out for everyone to see. It’s an open invitation for anyone to take a peek inside your most Read More
What Am I Really Chasing?
I have no idea how it started. Little hints of discouragement. The nagging whispers of “Those other authors are better than you. Their books look like they are doing well. Is yours even selling?” A rough day with the kids and that poisonous hiss tickled my ear. “If you were a better mom, this wouldn’t have happened.” A long to-do list that is never completed. Phone calls that never stop. Some days, I feel like I’m struggling just to keep my head above water. I Read More
A Word for People Pleasers
Sometimes I don’t have much to say. Not enough words to fill up a haiku, much less a blog. Life gets busy, my body runs on fumes and caffeine, kids scream for attention…you know the drill. Yet despite the normal grind of living, the fear never completely goes away. The enemy is always lurking, ever hissing and flinging his accusations, preying upon my darkest secrets and coldest fears. There are some battles that must be fought over and over again. That’s okay. If you’re a Read More
The Thief: The Problem with Comparing
Jean size. That dreaded number on the scale. Checking account balances. Facebook friends. Instagram and Twitter followers. Awards and degrees. Points scored by your child at his last game. Job performance evaluations. So many numbers and none of them are good or bad when rattled off in isolation. The only time we have a problem with any of the above is when we are tempted to compare these numbers to the stats of others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So Read More
The Rodeo Clown: Learning to Be Seen
“Tara, why can’t you look me in the eye?” My friend’s question sliced to the quick. We had been chatting for over forty minutes and the topic had drifted from the mundane to more personal waters. Personal makes me uncomfortable. When I know someone is peeling back layers and taking a peek underneath the mask I work so hard to keep fixed in place, the intensity of their stare is too much. I don’t want them to see the trembling mess I am. So I Read More
Trolls on the Bridge: How to Keep Negative Feedback from Shredding Your Heart
I recently read this quote by Allen Arnold and it resonated deeply. “If God is pleased with your latest creation but the world ignores it, how do you feel? The answer reveals who you are creating for.” Excellent question. I fall into this trap far too often. I hope people like what I’ve written. This new blog was a step out of my comfort zone. Will people read it? Will they like it? This doesn’t even have to revolve around writing. This could be about Read More
Amazon Customer Reviews on the Bible: Putting Criticism into Perspective
Receiving a long awaited publishing contract is a euphoric feeling. It’s also terrifying for someone like me, a recovering people-pleaser. I love absolutely everything about the creative process. From spinning a story world into existence, breathing characters to life or muddling through their spiritual and emotional transformations, I find the entire journey exhilarating. I even love the grueling grind of editing. (Most days, at least.) With my debut release scheduled for summer of 2018, life is a whirlwind of excitement. Edits and marketing plans, launch Read More
An Open Letter from a Recovering People-Pleaser
I’ve had to learn some things the hard way. After years of exhaustion, of disappointment, of hiding behind my masks, of dark depression, I’ve learned that people pleasing may always be a battle for me. A daily battle. It’s a lie that I believed for far too long—mainly, that approval and love are the same thing. However, as God has peeled back layer after layer of my masks and choices, He has helped me understand that approval and love are not the same thing at Read More